Yami's Horrid Day
by Demented Insane Spirit
Summary: Complete. The Pharaoh is not only is getting insulted by Marik, but he’s also getting attacked by – Grandpa and his old friends? Pure humor!
1. Crazy Women On The Loose!

DIS: If you've read Bakura's Horrid Day and Kaiba's Horrid Day, you're ready for the next one, Yami's Horrid Day!

Kaiba: (-.-) You sound like an announcer.

DIS: I know, huh? (grin)

Kaiba: (o.o)...Let's not comment on that, shall we?

DIS: DO NOT CRITICIZE ME, OH HOT ONE!

Marik: I'm getting sick of your idolization of him!

DIS: Which reminds me...I'll be making a site of my dear Kaiba soon! Hehehe...Anyway! It's time for Yami's Horrid Day! Enjoy!

X

_Title: Yami's Horrid Day_

_Rating: M_

_Genre: Humor_

_Summary: Sequel to Kaiba's Horrid Day! The Pharaoh not only is getting insulted by Marik, but he's also getting attacked by – Grandpa and his old friends? Pure humor!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh, but I own these ideas, the prequels, and this fic! So there! Oh, but I don't own the cologne, Axe._

_Notes/Warnings: Insanity is the main one, I should think, lol._

_X_

Recap! of Kaiba's Horrid Day: In the last story, Kaiba had to deal with a non-medical doctor, a humiliating morning of people staring at his Blue Eyes White Dragon pajamas, Yuugi as a leprechaun, a gay Jou (who had screwed his sister) and many other horrific things! Would his torture never end? Well, we're not sure, but to make him feel better, Bakura was also tortured and Yami soon is going to be as well! He's not the only one who will be learning disturbing secrets! And now, it's time for the first chapter of Yami's Horrid Day!

X

_Chapter One, Crazy women on the loose!_

Yami was feeling great, despite the fact that he was avoiding Kaiba, who had lost his mind..._He really needs to take anger management classes..._He thought to himself, remembering how the CEO had snapped at him. Shaking it off, he entered the grocery store and went to the hair product aisle. He saw Axe on display near the aisle and sprayed some on him. He sighed, happy with the smell, then went to get some hair gel. He heard something and he turned, blinking.

_(oO) Wonder what that was...?_ He shrugged and turned back to the gel and he blinked, seeing two feminine eyes staring at him. Was he imagining things? He heard footsteps and he turned around, seeing women advancing on him. "(OO) What – " They lunged at him and he let out a yelp, scrambling up on the shelves, running away from them. They ran after him, giving battle cries of, "I LOVE YOU!" _(X.X) I want Yuugi! He'd be able to explain this!_

He skidded into the bakery and wiped his forehead off. The baker gave him a curious look.

"Something wrong?" He asked Yami.

"Some women were chasing after...Uh...Why are you looking at me like that?" The baker man winked at him, purring.

"Daddy wants some candy," the baker said.

"(O,O'') AWW!" The baker man started to chase after him as well as he ran through the grocery store. "NOO! NOT MEEEEE! I'M TOO YOUNG TO NOT BE A VIRGIN!"

"COME TO DADDY, SWEETHEART!" The baker called. The women snarled at each other and the baker.

"HE'S MINE!" They all crowed, slapping each other, yet still running.

_(X.X) Why did I come to the store today! _Yami asked himself. He ran out to the parking lot and he halted, his eyes shooting wide, seeing all the girls that had stopped doing whatever it was they had been doing. "(OO) Oh shit."

"I LOVE YOU!"

X

"Yami, what happened?" Yuugi gasped when the Pharaoh walked through the door, his face covered with lipstick and his clothes disheveled.

"(-.-) You have no idea..." He muttered to Yuugi, wiping his face off. "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME WITH ME? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I HAD TO GO THROUGH?"

"(o.o) I had to help grandpa..."

"AND HE'S MORE IMPORTANT?"

"(X.X) Well...Yes."

"You see, Yuugi? This is exactly why I don't buy you good birthday gifts!" He stormed up the stairs and sulked in his room for a long time, before he blinked and gave a curious look to the journal on Yuugi's desk. He creeped to the door and peered down the stairs, before shutting it quietly and locking it. He went to the desk and sat down, opening it.

"Let's see..."

_Dear Journal,_

_Today was a really good day. I went to the doctor's and they told me I wasn't pregnant! I knew that Jou was just joking when he said he didn't use a condom! Phew! The doctor, however, told me that I had a tumor and they took it out. I was so relieved! I thought that I was going to have a baby! I'm too young, aii. But anyway, there was also a really good thing that happened today! There was the COOLEST episode of Pokèmon. Ash caught a really cool Pokèmon! _

_You know, I heard that Anzu and Bakura had slept with each other. Ew, ew, and triple EW! What man would sleep with a girl? They're so gross! Yuck! I mean, I like Anzu, as a friend, but I could NEVER think of her in my bed. A woman in my bed...Doing things...I think I'm going to puke. Uh-oh, I think that's Yami. I better put you to bed, Journal._

_Yours Always,_

_Yuugi._

Yami stared for a long time at the pink journal in awe. Did his abiou seriously write this? _Jounouchi is gay?_ The Pharaoh thought in horror, swallowing and glancing around, before slowly shutting it and going downstairs.

"Grandpa?" He called.

"Yes, Yami?" Grandpa asked, poking his head out of the kitchen.

"Can I borrow the car?"

"Sure." He tossed the keys and Yami caught them, going to the garage.

_(o.o) Oh yeah, I don't know how to drive..._ He thought to himself, then shrugged, putting the keys in the ignition as he saw grandpa do on many occasions. "Okay then..." he jerked the clutch forward and pressed on the gas.

CRASH

"(OO) This can't be good..." He muttered, staring at the paint that had crashed onto the car, the shelves that had collapsed and other horrible damages done to the car. He shoved the door forward and it ended up falling off. He swallowed and spotted some duct tape on the floor. "Well...Tape fixes everything." Yami taped the door back on and he put his hands on his hips, satisfied. "There." He heard footsteps and he stared at the paint on the car and other damages. "Oh no..."

Who will discover Yami's horrible accident and do things get worse from here on out? And has Yuugi converted from being a leprechaun to a half-sane homosexual? Find out on the next chapter of Yami's Horrid Day!

X

DIS: A short chapter, but aren't all first chapters short? Please review and read below for the preview of the next chapter!

Preview: Yami thinks his life couldn't get any worse, so he goes to a strippers bar, where he meets a very fine young lady...Or so he thinks. And after that, when he and Kaiba are forced to anger management classes by Mokuba and Yuugi, they find that there are people with worse problems than them...And worse issues than Marik and Bakura.


	2. Yami And Kaiba's Unhappy Encounter

DIS: Welcome back, after a very long time! Thanks to Saint H, Kitsunegirl4ever, Atemu's Lover, Angel, copacabanagirl, Eternal Eyes (oh well, Tag, Axe, what's the difference?), Erika Darkmoon, Marin M, xXxReixXx, and deadlybeautygoddess for reviewing! I actually didn't think that so many people would review on the first chapter. And I am sorry to all for the late update. To the next chapter ,which is dedicated to deadlybeautygoddess! I agree, humor should never be kept in suspense!

X

Chapter Two, Yami and Kaiba's unhappy encounter 

He heard footsteps and he stared at the paint on the car and other damages. "Oh no..." Yuugi walked in and he stared at the car, his jaw dropping. The journal that he had in his hand dropped as well.

"YAMI!" He shrieked at the top of his lungs. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

"Um...The voices in my head thought it would be a good idea," Yami told him dumbly. Yuugi seethed, looking angry.

"GET OUT!" As Yami hurried out of the garage, Yuugi stared at the damages, sobbing.

X

Squeak, squeak, squeak...

Yami sighed, stopping. He stood up and the tricycle fell apart instantly. The Pharaoh blinked, staring at it. Normally the tricycles he stole fell apart the second time he rode them. "Kids these days! They can't even get their parents to buy them a decent tricycle." He snorted, kicking the pieces. Crossing his arms, he observed where he was and when he saw Showgirls just across the street, he grinned. "Well, then again, maybe the tricycle was trying to tell me something?" He ran across the street and a car stopped, a shaking his fist at him, swearing. "YEAH, WELL BACK TO YOU BUDDY!"

When he first entered, he considered going back, thinking that his perverseness was going to come to bite him in the ass, but...

"_Hey, you aren't really considering going back are you?"_ Yami blinked and looked down.

"My shoulder...devil. Er, why do you look like Bakura?"

_Yami, I wouldn't think that you'd do this! _His shoulder angel appeared, who, ironically, looked like Ryou.

"Don't listen to that pansy! Go stuff some money in those bitches thongs, hahaha!" 

_You sicken me!_

"_Oh shut up abiou."_

"Er, you're not really...Making any sense. And you're confusing me!" Yami whined.

"Then do yourself a favor – and go try and fuck one of those whores!" 

_Stop using bad language._

"_Bite me, you pussy."_

_See? Like that! It's inappropriate._

"_Oh yeah? And you say that you've been having wet dreams about my wench."_

"Your wench? Who's your wench, Bakura?" Yami asked, suddenly curious.

_My beloved Anzu!_ Angel Ryou cried, sniffling.

"Anzu? DEVIL OF SATIN!"

"_And sexy, don't forget that I'm sexy," _Devil Bakura reminded him.

"...I'm going to go with Devil Bakura, so just...I dunno, go away, shoo?"

"_That works."_ Both vanished with a poof and Yami went ahead, sitting at the bar.

"One Sex on the Beach," Yami told the bartender. (A/N: Yeah, that might sound like it's not a drink, but it actually is! And hella good, too, lol) He turned around a blonde woman was in front of him.

"Hey there sexy," she purred to him. Yami grinned at her, feeling that he was going to get lucky tonight. "You coming her just to watch or to...have some fun?"

"Whatever comes my way," he told her smoothly. She giggled.

"Then why don't you come with me to the back room to have some...fun?"

"All right." She went ahead and Yami eagerly followed, taking his drink with him.

_Oh yeah!_ He thought, smirking to himself.

When they got in the room, she shut the door and as she undressed, Yami felt an odd foreboding come over him. Which, for him, was odd, since he was going to get laid. However, when she drew off her panties...

"AAAAAWWWWWWWW!" He shrieked, seeing………….

Mr. Winky.

(A/N: I'm sure you all know what Mr. Winky is)

X

Yami rubbed his arms, feeling almost molested. Sure, he had ran out of that room, scot-free, but seeing that...Realizing that there were men that had were obsessive enough to do that made him sick. He sat at the curb of the street, staring over at an Albertsons.

_See? I told you not to go, now didn't I? _Angel Ryou demanded of him.

"Oh, shut up," Yami muttered.

X

Squeak...crunch, squeak...crunch, squeak...

Yami got off the tricycle and once again, it fell apart. He sighed and kicked the pieces away, before entering the Kame Game Shop. He blinked rapidly, seeing Yuugi and Mokuba talking on the couch. His eyes moved over to a lump by the couch and he saw Kaiba tied up and gagged. The CEO didn't notice him at first (for he was trying viciously to untie his ropes,) but when he did see Yami, his eyes widened and he started muttering loudly. Yuugi and Mokuba turned quickly and the Pharaoh stared at them.

"Yami, you're back," Yuugi gave a bright smile and the Pharaoh sweat dropped.

"Ah, yes..." He replied uncertainly. Kaiba was rocking back and forth, trying to make his great escape.

"That's great!" Mokuba exclaimed, grabbing his older brother's trench coat, dragging him back.

"Yes, wonderful," Yuugi agreed, then his smile turned into a smirk. Yami's eyes popped wide open and he glanced to and fro, looking desperately for an escape. "NOW, GRANDPA!"

"(OO) HUH?" Yami turned just to be covered with a bag. "AWWW!"

X

When Yami next woke up, he was feeling drowsy and something was digging painfully into his wrists. He blinked rapidly, trying to collect his surroundings. He turned his head to see Kaiba's glare that was combined with a scowl.

"You know what, Kaiba," he grumbled to his enemy, "it's not as though I want to see your grumpy face when I first wake up." Kaiba's face seemed to grow more dark and menacing at that. "Well, what do you have to say, buddy?"

"YOU IDIOTIC PORCUPINE HEAD! DO YOU NOT SEE THE SITUATION WE ARE IN?"

"...(o.o) No." Kaiba trembled with anger, looking more than pissed.

"FOOL!"

"Why take it out on _me_?" Yami huffed. "I never did anything to you, Kaiba," he informed him.

"All right!" Two voices chirped and the door to the van was thrown open. Mokuba and Yuugi grinned at them. "Ready for your Anger Management classes?"

"(OO) Anger Management...?" Both men spoke with disbelief. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" They pointed at each other and it was then that they noticed that their hands were handcuffed.

"Now, you two be good and we might take those cuffs off," Yuugi told them with a smile.

"_Might_." Mokuba repeated with a devious grin. It was a wonder that Mokuba was only 9 (I think that's his age.) With his crafty ways, one would think he was an adult that was trapped in a child's body. Hmm, it was so much like Chuckie.

X

Yami and Kaiba stared ahead, having been dropped off by Yuugi and Mokuba. A woman beside them was bouncing up and down, before she abruptly turned to them.

"You know what I hate?" She demanded. Neither responded. "I hate it when people DON'T TALK TO ME!" At the loud shout, both instantly looked to her, Yami wide-eyed. "I HATE IT! DON'T THEY KNOW HOW TO BE RESPECTFUL? HUH? HUH, DO THEY? I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT SO MUCH! GAHH!" Yami swallowed, looking to Kaiba for help.

"(-.-) Maybe if you weren't annoying and if you didn't look like a total slut that might not happen," Kaiba muttered bitterly.

"WHAT?" She snarled and he inched away, looking disgusted. "I'LL GUT YOU AND EAT YOUR INNARDS FOR MY EVERY MEAL! RRR!"

"Let's move," Kaiba told Yami, looking particularly disturbed. They moved to the other side of the room with the woman screaming after them, "YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, YOU WANNA BE!"

"Why did they bring us _here_ of all places?" Kaiba groaned, sitting down. "Sit."

"Um..." Yami looked nervously at the man that was muttering under his breath. "I don't..."

"SIT!" Kaiba yanked him down and Yami yelped, his head smashing against the wall. His arm brushed against the man's and he instantly grabbed Yami by the collar.

"You just touch me?" He hissed.

"(OO) No."

"You did, you mother (bleep) bastard! How dare you? Do you think that you are _worthy_ enough to touch me? Do you? HUH? ANSWER!"

"(OO'') I...I really didn't..."

"LIAR!" The man sprung to his feet, his face red with rage. "SOMEONE IMPRISON THIS MAN! He was being so insolent as to touch me!" Many exchanged looks, some sarcastic, some understanding.

"Yami Mutou, Seto Kaiba?" A nurse came up to them, smiling slightly. "Please come this way. You'll be in the two-o'clock meeting."

"Thank Ra!" Both gasped, hurrying away from the waiting room.

X

The two males sat down, feeling oddly out of place. The man across from them was buff and was towering over everyone else. The chair beneath him was creaking and both Kaiba and Yami wondered if it would collapse anytime soon. At any rate, neither of the males wanted to piss this man off. The two handcuffed men decided that, in this room, they were the only ones that were remotely normal.

"Welcome everyone!" The "teacher", who was a male, chirped.

Squeak...Thump.

Everyone blinked and looked at the remains of the chair. The buff man merely grunted, tossing it to the other side of the room and sitting on the ground.

"Um, right...Well! You all know and have acknowledged that you have anger problems, so let's get right down to it, shall we?" No response. "So, who wants to share their story?"

"I'm here by mistake," Kaiba told the teacher with a glare. "As you can see, I was handcuffed to this wanna-be telletubby. That's the only reason I'm here."

"Uh...huh," the teacher looked doubtful. "And you are?"

"Seto Kaiba."

"Oh, my," the teacher put a hand to hand and leaned over to the nearest guy, who happened to be Yami. "I've heard that this CEO is G-A-Y." Yami's eyes widened and he stared at Kaiba, who was twitching.

_If anyone's gay,_ he thought to himself, _it's that damn incestuous mutt, Jounouchi. _

"(;.;) I don't wanna be cuffed to Kaiba!" Yami wailed, tugging at his handcuffs viciously. "Please, Kaiba, don't molest me!"

"Dammit, I'm not gay, Yami!" Kaiba snapped at him, punching Yami purposely in the face.

"Ow."

"Mm, yes, you definitely have anger problems," the teacher observed. "I...er, don't know _what's_ wrong with you." He eyed Yami, who was crying, massaging his throbbing nose.

_Why did I ever go out today? _Yami wondered to himself. _I wish I had stayed home...And never read Yuugi's diary...And never ran out of hair gel or cologne. _He sniffled, glancing at Kaiba suspiciously. _I hope he isn't G-A-Y...Or that he has ESP, at that. _

"Now...Who else would like to share their story?" The teacher asked. Yami looked around and when he turned his head, he blinked as a man grinned at him.

_(OO) I wanna go home,_ Yami thought.

"_Hmm...Sure you don't want him, Pharaoh?" _Devil Bakura mocked. _"I bet you knew that whore was a man after all, huh?"_

"Shut up, Bakura!" Yami said aloud. Everyone stared at him, Kaiba especially.

"Anyone know how to pick locks?" Kaiba asked the room, feeling uneasily around Yami.

"Who's Bakura?" The teacher asked blankly.

"_Hahaha – Ah...You're such a dumbass." _

"I said to _shut it_, Bakura," Yami growled under his breath. Devil Bakura smirked, before vanishing, seeing the bizarre looks Yami was receiving. He obviously decided he'd humiliated the Pharaoh enough.

"...My diagnosis is that you should consider going to a mental ward," the teacher muttered at last.

Yami groaned, covering his face with his free hand.

Why me? 

X

DIS: Hmm, this wasn't as good as I would have liked, but I guess it was okay. Please review and ideas are, like always, welcomed! I could use some...


	3. What Comes Around Goes Around

DIS: Well...Umm...Yeah, just read and enjoy, I guess...

X

Chapter Three, What comes around goes around 

_This CANNOT be happening to me, _Kaiba thought as he was thrown into a padded room, handcuffed to Yami.

"_Hahahaha! I knew you were meant to be in the psych ward after all, Yami!" _Devil Bakura cackled, an evil glint in his eyes.

"I hate you Bakura," Yami muttered. Kaiba shot him a dirty look.

"Stop talking to yourself and stop obsessing over the Tomb Robber!" Kaiba growled under his breath. The Pharaoh turned to him with a crazed expression on his tan features. Apparently, he was feeling murderous – and towards Kaiba. "What? Are you going to attack me, porcupine head?"

"_...Kick his ass!" _

_...Violence is never the answer,_ Angel Ryou told Yami and his darker counterpart.

"_I'm gonna shove that harp up your pansy pass, Ryou," _Bakura snarled.

"SHUT UP! GET OUT OF MY HEEEADDD!" Yami threw himself on the ground, which caused Kaiba to land on top of him. "...Umm...Listen, Kaiba, you might be that way, but – "

"_Shut the hell up. _You may have forgotten, but we're handcuffed, so you jerked _me_ on _you_." Kaiba sat up, jerking his arm so that Yami was thrown to the other side. Kaiba smirked. _This is gonna be fun._

_You know I'd help you..._Ryou began, clearing his throat, _but I prefer to stay away from Kaiba. _

"_I wouldn't help him...Especially if Kaiba's in one of his, you know, 'moods.'"_

Oh, so true! 

"Kaiba, stop it!" Yami roared as he was thrown side to side. _Kaiba's like Bam-Bam from the Flintstones right now! _

Yami's Image 

_Kaiba laughed maniacally, "BAM, BAM! BAM, BAM! Yami go BAM, BAM!"_

_What's Really Happening_

Kaiba flung his arm from side to side, snickering and smirking in amusement. He had to admit that this was a rather good sense of entertainment. _It's a surprise they didn't put us in straight jackets._

X

The guards took a drink of Bud Light and sighed. One of the guards glanced in the window on the door and raised his eyebrows, seeing one of the crazies flinging the other back and forth. "Huh...D'ya think we shoulda umm...I dunno...put straight jackets on 'em?"

The other guard eyed his beer thoughtfully, before saying, "Nah. They'll be fine."

"Okay," the first guard said, shrugging. _Less work for us_.

X

At night, Kaiba's arm finally became tired and Yami was bruised enough – even though he had been hitting pads – so the two were leaning against one of the walls, irritated and exhausted.

"_You know...you could always try to persuade those drunk bastards outside the door to let you out."_

"They're drunk?" Kaiba rolled his eyes at his muttering. _They're drunk? _

"_Idiot. Why didn't you think of replying with your thoughts _before_? It certainly would have saved you the trouble. Moronic fool."_

_The author was too lazy to, it's not my problem, _Yami grumbled.

_She gonna get you for that, _Ryou informed Yami.

Yeah...Probably. So anyway, the guys outside the door are drunk? "Yes, but their shift ends, so you better HURRY UP, IDIOT!" 

_Touchy, touchy, _Yami thought, standing up. Kaiba glowered, but stood up as well.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Umm...I can't see through the window."

"That's the door, you idiot," Kaiba snapped. "You're too _short_."

"Well, knock on the door and ask if they'll let us out."

"Oh, sure – "

"Kaiba...Just do it."

Sighing, Kaiba knocked on the door. The two drunken guards turned to him, blinking blearily. "Let us out."

"Umm...Why?" One of the guards asked in a drunken voice.

Kaiba, realizing they were drunk, said, "Because you accidentally put us in here."

"Oh, really?" The other guard looked shocked. "Oops! Okay..." The guard opened the door and grinned. "Let me get that for ya." The guard picked the lock to the handcuffs and both males rubbed their wrists. "Have a nice day." The guard slapped Yami's butt, making the Pharaoh's eyes shoot wide. The guard winked at him, blowing a kiss to him. Kaiba snickered.

"Better satisfy his needs, Yami," the CEO said mockingly.

"(OO) NO!"

X

_Ahh...Home. And no Bakura's or Ryou's in my head, _Yami thought as he laid in bed.

"_You wish, Faggot Master," _Devil Bakura sneered. Yami sighed and covered his face with his pillow.

_I hate my life._

X

Morning came and Yami yawned, hearing something in the bathroom. Rubbing his face, he moved to the bathroom and opened it, half-awake. His eyes shot open and he let out a shriek that could rival any woman's. He slammed the door shut and hurried away, his heart thudding in his heart. _NOO! MY PRECIOUS EYESIGHT! I can imagine it now..._

_Yami's Image_

_Ten years after what Yami called THE INCIDENT, he returned to the Kame Game Shop, dark glasses on and groping the ground in front of him with a cane. Yuugi gasped, seeing his yami. "Yami, you're home! But wait..." He gasped again. "Oh, Yami, you're blind!" Yuugi started crying, mascara running down his cheeks. "Why did such a fate befall you?"_

"_It was..." Yami whispered slowly. "It was because...Of THE INCIDENT."_

_(Pause)_

"_Ohhh, it's my fault, Yami! THE INCIDENT was my fault and look at what has happened to you!" Yuugi cried more, sniffing. He blew his nose and paused. "Oh, that's where my penny went." _

"_(-.-)...Ahem."_

"_Sorry, but I have to add this to my penny collection." Yuugi hurried out of the room, turning the light off._

"_(o.o) Yuugi...? YUUGI, NOO!" _

_End Yami's Image_

Yami stumbled down the stairs and hurried into the kitchen. "Grandpa! Grandpa! – Grandpa?" Yami looked at all the old people and they stared at him. "Grandpa?" He turned to an old man, who shook his head. "Grandpa?" Yami went through all the old men, before hesitantly going to two old women. "..._Grandpa?_"

"Do we look like men, sonny?" One of them snapped, waving her cane at him. Grandpa Mutou came in holding cards, smiling at Yami.

"Hello, Yami. Something you need?"

"...Grandpa, I have some bad news to tell you."

"So do I, Yami."

"I'll go first..." Yami laid a hand on Grandpa's shoulder. "Yuugi is gay." Grandpa laid a hand on Yami's hip.

"I like young men."

"(O.O'')...Grandpa, your hand is going, um, to the left...And going lower."

"Just enjoy the fun, Yami, just enjoy the fun." Yami jerked away from him, eyes wide.

"I, uh...I gotta go..."

(Two hours later)

Yuugi and Jou came down the stairs, smiling. "Do you know where Yami is, Grandpa? I think he might have witnessed something between me and my lover," Yuugi said.

"Oh...Yeah...I dunno."

"(-.-) Right. Okay, Grandpa."

X

"Thanks for letting me stay here, Isis," Yami said to the Egyptian woman as she filled his cup with more lemonade. "I don't want to be a bother."

"Oh, you won't, my Pharaoh," Isis assured him with a bright smile. "Though if you hear me 'raping' Marik or Malik, then ignore it. I'm just scaring the fools." She sighed.

"(oO) What do you _do _to them?"

"(smile) I shove a dildo up their assholes."

"(OO) I...see."

"I bought it especially for that purpose." She giggled. "They won't dare cross me again."

"(o.o) Yes...I really should be going now. I don't think I'll need to stay here after all."

"Oh, well...If you ever do need a place to stay, you can always come here! Bye, Yami!"

"Yeah...Bye..." _There is no one normal in this world._

X

"Sure, Yami, you can stay here," Anzu chirped to her friend. Bakura was sitting next to her, frowning. "But Bakura's been hanging around her a lot too, so..."

"That's okay, Anzu."

"My parents are on an extended business trip, so you won't have to worry about that."

"All right."

"Sometimes at night Bakura visits, though." The implication was clear.

"Oh. Okay."

"And, uh..." She leaned forward so Bakura couldn't hear. "Kaiba, on occasion. But only when Bakura's not here."

"(OO) Oh. Well. That is something."

"What is?" Bakura demanded.

"I just told him that when I'm on my time of the month, that he should be careful what he says to me or I'll pretty much turn into a banshee," Anzu lied glibly, smiling sweetly at Bakura.

"Hmmm..." Bakura eyed her suspiciously, but didn't ask anymore questions.

"So...Who wants to karaoke?" Yami and Bakura remembered the last time she had sung on Honda's birthday and both shook their heads rapidly. "Oh, well, fine. I guess it's just Mai and me, then."

"Yup," both Egyptians immediately said. She pouted, before leaving outside to go to Mai's. _Both women is a death wish...My ears will bleed, _Yami thought. _I'll return in a week. At least then Grandpa, with his Alzheimer's, will forget about out encounter. Hopefully Jou and Yuugi, too. _He shuddered. _I never want to see two men goin' at it like that again. It's worse than that sex scene in Brokeback Mountain! _

"_I agree with you there," _Devil Bakura said.

_How are you here...And over there at the same time? _Yami asked, looking at Bakura in the loveseat, flipping through the channels on TV.

"_Don't ask trivial questions!"_ Yami sighed and decided that he'd try to go home as soon as possible.

_I don't want to be around Bakura and his bad attitude for too long._

"Hey, Pharaoh," Bakura spoke up, "since Anzu isn't here – Go make me dinner."

"Do I have a letter N on my forehead?" Bakura turned from the TV and peered at his head.

"Nope."

"(-.-) I'm going to make a pizza. I'm starving."

"...Damn. At least Anzu made a roast or something."

"Well, I'm not Anzu, now am I?"

"Nope. You're just the next closest thing to dog crap."

"(-.-)" _Maybe I'll go home tomorrow, depending. _

X

DIS: (sweat drop) Okay...I know that was a rather disturbing chapter and probably really bad, too, but I had to get something down while I was still in the mood to type. Hope you enjoyed it, as bad as it was. Please review and I'll see what I can whip up later on. _Sayonara! _


	4. A day with Bakura and Marik

DIS: (shies away from all the angry readers) Please, _please_ do not kill me for not updating sooner! It's just that, well, with all my other stories, I kinda forgot about this one. Not to mention, I couldn't get _any_ inspiration for it. (sighs and looks to the heavens pleadingly) Luckily, however, I am catching up and _hopefully_ by the end of the year, I'll only have two or three fictions up at the most. So, with that said...Thanks to everyone who reviewed and let's get back to our frickin' adorable Pharaoh, Atemu aka Yami!

X

Chapter Four, A day with Bakura and Marik 

Yami yawned, flipping through the channels when Bakura came skulking in. The Pharaoh glanced at him, frowning at his appearance. "Tomb Robber, couldn't you make yourself look decent in my majestic presence?" Yami was feeling...overly arrogant today. Bakura stared at him mutinously, dumbfounded. When the _hell_ did _he_ get off speaking that way to him?"

"I just got up, porcupine head. And I could kick you out before you could say 'Shadow Realm,' so I'd be careful what you say to me," Bakura sneered. Yami shot him a dirty look and was going to continue in flipping through the channels, but Bakura snatched the remote from him. Yami glared at him.

_I should tell him that Anzu's been cheating on him with Kaiba just to kick him where it hurts, _he thought with a glower. _Hmm...But that would be hurting Anzu and she's my friend. (o.o) Though she has grown increasingly skanky lately. Ra! I don't know if someone slips Viagra in her food all the time or _what

_Hmm, that's a good idea, Pharaoh, _Demon Bakura remarked, while Ryou sighed, looking disappointed with them both. _I mean, Anzu's a hot wench in bed already but...Wait a minute, did you say something about Kaiba? _

_(oO)...You can't contact your real self, can you? _Yami asked.

No, not really, but I have my ways of letting my real self know important things – NOW TELL ME ABOUT KAIBA!

_Why don't you just probe my mind? Can't you do that?_

_...No._

_Oh. Good._

_TELL ME YOU JACKASS! _

"(-.-) What the hell is your problem?" Bakura demanded, glaring at Yami, who was clutching his head and banging it on the coffee table.

_Must – not – give – in! _Yami gasped in his mind, banging his head harder.

_TELL ME OR PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM!...That or go insane, because I can do that, _Demon Bakura added with a smirk.

"If Yuugi knew that I was involved in this..." Angel Ryou began.

Shut up, abiou! 

_Okay, okay! _Yami surrendered at last. _Kaiba sleeps with Anzu when you're not around! _The two gasped and Ryou almost fell off Yami's shoulder from shock.

_That's it! _Bakura disappeared and Ryou shook his head, disappearing as well.

(o.o) I wonder what he's going to do...

Bakura stretched, tossing the remote to the side of him. He had turned it to _I Love Lucy._ There wasn't anything else on. He started to space out a bit and as he wondered to himself, _I wonder what Anzu's doing? _an image of Anzu screwing Kaiba in his office came to mind. _(OO) Augh! I did not need to think about that! _He paused. _Where did that thought come from? Hmm...Most of the time when I get these stupid frickin' images, they normally end up coming true. _He paused again and cast a suspicious look to Yami, who was groaning and holding his head in pain. _Maybe the Pharaoh knows something. He obsesses over Kaiba enough. Maybe he stalks him, too. _"Hey, Pharaoh!"

"...Please..." Yami whimpered, "don't shout..."

"(sweat drop) Alright...I won't shout. Anyway, do you know if Kaiba's ever been interested in Anzu?"

In a completely stupid manner, Yami answered, "Oh, yeah, all the time." Those bonks to the head obviously made him stupid. "Let's see...In Duelist Kingdom, he never really insulted her and was the only one he could talk to normally. And she saved him, did you know that? Umm...He also saved her in Battle City. And she always talks to him, but never talks to any of the other enemies! She never talked to Pegasus, now did she? Oh, but she did talk to Malik...and Marik...I wonder if that counts?"

"(-.-)...Great. So you're saying that she's probably fucking three other guys?"

"Well, I didn't exactly – "

"It's because she's hanging out with that whore, Mai!"

"Ohhh..." Yami nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's definitely the reason why."

"Thanks a lot, Yami," Bakura said sarcastically.

"Your welcome, Bakura. Now there's a first! You saying thank you! Hahaha!" Bakura shot him a disgusted look when the doorbell rang.

"I've got it. What am I saying? As if you ever do shit around here..." Bakura muttered as he left to the door.

"Asshole," Yami grunted, crossing his arms across his chest and watching _I Love Lucy. _He heard voices and frowned, before blinking, seeing a ship in a bottle. _I wonder if the ship is stuck. _He went to the bottle and tried to take it out. "I can't reach...Ah, well, if I get it unstuck, Anzu will thank me, just like her parents." He continued to try to reach the ship with his finger and ended up getting his finger stuck. _(o.o) Uh-oh...This could be bad. _He swallowed and started waving it around, trying to get it off, before it flung off his finger and crashed into the wall. "(OO) O-oh no..." He hurried over to the wall and saw he hadn't only broke the bottle, but the ship, too! "(O.O) Oh no...Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!"

"What the hell was that crash?" Bakura asked, coming back in with Marik trailing after him.

"Er..."

"(o.o) Oh no...That isn't...Anzu's dad's ship model is it?"

"...No."

"Oh. Good." Yami sighed and stuffed the broken pieces under the carpet, before returning to his spot on the couch.

"I didn't know the _Pharaoh_ was interested in threesomes, Bakura," Marik remarked, plopping down on the loveseat. "I've never seen you two as the type to go for that anyway." He snickered, smirking at them.

"Let me get one thing straight...I am not gay," Bakura growled, then eyed him suspiciously. "You haven't slept with Anzu, have you?"

"No...Why?" Marik eyed him cynically in return. "Have you?"

"(--) Of course I have, you idiot." They turned to Yami, who was fingering a lock of his hair idly. He wasn't really that interested in their conversation. "Have you?"

"...What?" Yami asked and then said dismissively, "Oh, yeah, sure, sure..."

_You moron, _Demon Bakura muttered, shaking his head. _Ra you're stupid. First the ship model and now THIS?_

_What? _Yami demanded of him.

"When the _hell_ did you sleep with Anzu?" Bakura asked, grabbing Yami by the collar.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" Yami demanded.

"(-.-) Dear Ra..." Marik muttered.

"And when did I ever say I've slept with Anzu? I've never slept with her!"

"You just SAID you did," Bakura snapped.

"Oh, I was just saying yes so you'd shut up."

"(--) I...see."

"What? You act as though I'm stupid! I'M NOT STUPID!"

"THE HELL IF YOU'RE NOT!"

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" Marik suddenly laughed quite loudly. "While you two were arguing, I was plotting, mwahaha!"

"...What the hell? You're going to take over the world?" Yami asked.

"No," Marik replied simply, staring at him for a moment. A long pause ensued, before he continued, "Now shut up."

(sweat drop)

(Twenty-minutes later)

"I'm bored," Yami complained.

"I don't care," Bakura replied, channel surfing – again.

"I'm tired."

"Go back to bed."

"I'm hungry."

"So are orphans in Dina...or whatever country that is," Marik said. "I think it was Dina. Isis always says that, so...Hm. I don't think it was Dina after all."

"It's China, dumbass," Bakura snapped.

"WOULD YOU PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME?" Yami roared, startling them. "I am the Royal King of Egypt, God of the Sun, Messenger of the Gods, and...Pharaoh of the Two Ancient Lands! DO NOT IGNORE ME!"

"...Holy shit, he actually knows his entire title!" Marik exclaimed.

"I'm as surprised as you are," Bakura replied.

"(--) I think I'm going to leave here soon..." Yami grumbled.

"Good. I hate waking up to see you down here everyday. It's a terrible way to start the day. Makes me feel like shit."

"Being as beautiful as I am," Yami bragged, "you should feel honored to start the day the way you do!"

"Dear Ra, who the _hell_ have you been hanging around?" Marik demanded. "You're acting like Kaiba, for Ra's sake!"

"Well I was in the asylum for him for awhile. I also took these classes with him...Yeah..."

(oO…………)

Marik and Bakura had nothing to say to that. They were speechless.

"So...are you leaving yet?" Bakura demanded. "Marik and I are going to go find out if Anzu's fucking Kaiba."

"Uh-huh...Don't hurt anyone on your way back," Yami said, slowly backing out of the room.

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"

"Nothing, bye!" Yami hauled ass out of there with Bakura yelling after him. _Hehehe, I can run as fast as the – _

BANG!

"...Ow," Yami groaned, looking up at the stop sign. "When has that been there? Geez..."

X

DIS: (sigh) Okay, I know, not great, but hey! It had it's moments, right?...Right? So, please review on your way out. Tell me how you liked it or how you hated it or, if you have any ideas for this story, go ahead and send them in. Ciao!


	5. Yami meets Death

DIS: Thanks to those of you who reviewed, and, lol, yes, I can understand if you guys forgot about this one for a minute. (scratches head) I was going through my floppies when I found this, so...Yeah. Oh! And for those who are awaiting my Sesshomaru/Rin website, my beloved friend Mollie is working greatly and hard on it! Thankfully, you guys can download Inuyasha music from there, along with finding some lyrics! Anyway, enough of advertising, here's the next chapter!

X

_Chapter Five, Yami meets Death_

Yami sighed, feeling his insides twisting in a nauseating sort of way. He had been walking around aimlessly for two days ever since he walked out on Bakura and Marik. The angel Ryou and devil Bakura had yet to reappear and Yami thankfully hoped that they did _not_ pop up out of nowhere. He sat down for a moment to reflect on his life and felt, vaguely, that something had gone wrong. Why did he feel that way? Frowning, he stood up just as a football came barreling over. "WATCH OUT!" Someone screeched. He turned to have the football smack him right in the face and knock him to the ground, causing him to fall unto unconsciousness.

X

Yami groaned and looked around and gasped. "(OO) CAN IT BE? Am I in...in..."

"Yeah, you're in the after life," a droning voice informed him. Yami turned to the guy in the weird costume. What the heck was it, Halloween everyday for the guy?

"Um, no, that's not what I was going to say," Yami answered and stood up, turning around. "It kinda looked like a world of Ice Cream! Oh, the glory of it all! But, of course, this Pharaoh does not get what he wishes." He sighed. "Yami is disappointed."

"...Uh..."

"Yami asks the odd man who he is, inwardly thinking that the man needs a new wardrobe. Yami has a puzzled expression on his face while the man stares blankly at him from the depths of his great big...Hmm. Well, Yami is unsure what the devil he is wearing, but it certainly looks weird to the Pharaoh Yami."

"(-.-) Man you're a loser," the being grumbled. "It's no wonder you can't get laid!"

"MAYBE NOT BY A WOMAN, BUT I'M SURE ANY GUY WOULD TAKE ME!" Yami roared indignantly.

"(OO) Whoa, dude, chill! Anyway, my name...is Death." He pointed to a badge he had pulled out of the depths of his robes. "And I am here to have you, uh...Well, I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I never read the job description that well to be honest."

"Seriously?" Yami questioned as he crossed his arms. "Hm. Yeah, I never knew what I was supposed to do when I took the job of Pharaoh. That's pretty much why I brought the destruction of my kingdom. Yeesh, why didn't they choose Akhenaden or his son, Seto, for Ra's sake?" Silence ensued for a couple moments in which Yami's brow furrowed. "Wait a dang minute...Kaiba was the reincarnation of Priest Seto." Pause. "Okay, so scratch that. Just Akhenaden."

"(sweat drop)...You're wasting my time. I never knew Egyptians were so conceited – and stupid, at that."

"I AM NOT STUPID!" He glared at Death. "Everyone calls me stupid, even my ABIOU calls me stupid, but I'm not! I'll show them, by golly, I'll show them!" As he said all of this, he raised his arms in a defiant posture. After his rant, he remained that stance and Death stared at him, fiddling his scythe (right?) absent-mindedly.

"So...You done yet?" Death asked Yami cautiously. Yami slowly lowered his arms and sighed.

"Yes." He paused. "Can you tell me what everyone's doing right now? By the way, am I dead?"

"That's your SECOND question? Gee, you're dumber than I thought."

"(-.-)...Shut up."

"Ahem. Right. Anyway, well, let's take a look." He grabbed Yami by the arm and the floated down to Domino City. Yami felt like he was Scrooge in _A Christmas Carol_. "So, shall we see Yuugi first?"

"Er, sure..." They zapped to the Kame Game Shop, where Yuugi was sweeping in front of the shop and talking to himself.

"I wonder where Yami is? He sure has been gone for awhile. I wonder why he left? He sure has been gone for awhile. I wonder where Jou is? I wonder if he'll come see me so we can have fun in the shower again? Hm, that rings a stupid little bell in my head, but it's so dull I can't hardly hear it! I guess the bell is so stupid and quiet that it doesn't matter! Yeah! That's it! Hm, I wonder if Anzu is gonna hook up with Kaiba for sure. They've been around each other a lot lately..."

"(--) How can you stand the little midget?" Death asked.

"I was in his body for awhile, you know," Yami pointed out. "By the time I got out, he turned into _this_." Death snickered. "Shut up!"

"Listen, _buddy_, this is the second time you've told me to shut up and I don't appreciate it! REMEMBER WHO I AM!"

"...You're right, I _do_ need to remember who you are...Who are you again?"

"(-.-) I REALLY shouldn't have taken this job. It sucks ass. I mean all these OLD people and stupid dead people! Most of them died for a damn good reason! Like, doing drugs, getting herpes...Yeah."

"You know you're thinking aloud, right?" Yami questioned.

"...Shut your mouth, infidel. Who should we check on next?"

"How about Anzu?"

"...Okay, if you insist."

"(o.o)..." They zapped to Kaiba Corp, where Anzu was snuggled up to Kaiba on his desk, half naked.

"Oh, Kaiba!" She sighed. "I can hardly believe that the others and I used to hate you. You're _sooo_ sexy!"

"(O.O) K-Kaiba? _Sexy?_" Yami sputtered. "Anzu, don't be corrupted by him!"

"She can't hear you," Death reminded him, a bit uncomfortable himself.

"Then you tell her!"

"She can't hear me either."

"...Damn!"

"Soo...Before other things start to happen, where should we go next? Truth is, I've been wanting to send Kaiba to Hell since he was seven."

"(sweat drop) Er, right. Let's go see Bakura."

"Alright."

Zap!

"DAMN THAT KAIBA!" Bakura was roaring, trashing Anzu's house as best as he could. "He'll pay! Oh, he'll pay!" Marik, who was lounging on the couch, let out an indignant shout as the couch was turned over and he fell on his butt.

"HEY! Don't take your temper out on my because you're girlfriend's a skank!" Marik snapped.

"She didn't _seem_ like one at first!"

"It's because she's been hanging out with that damn Mai!" Marik declared from his spot beneath the couch. "That woman's slept with every guy in Domino – _including _me!"

"Osiris!" Bakura breathed, staring at him with horror. "Are you _serious?_ Ra, Marik, since when did you slut the sluts?"

"Slut the sluts?" Marik repeated.

"A random saying I made up when playing strip poker with Malik."

"Right...And to answer your question, I started about five months ago. Yup. Fiveee months agoooo."

"Dear Ra, Horus, and Osiris above and below, WHY do you have to take things literally?"

"That's quite a prayer, Bakura, are you _sure_ you should be praying to all three of them?" Marik asked, briefly ignoring his question.

"Nah, I probably shouldn't."

"Well you did."

"Yeah, I did," Bakura admitted regretfully.

"Can't take it back, either."

"No, I can't."

"Sucks like a lollipop," Marik added.

"Yeah, it does."

"Yup."

"Yup."

"So anyway, back to your question, I have no idea why I take things literally. Probably just to piss you off and be a smart ass."

"That I could believe," Bakura agreed, his temper cooled now that he had gotten so terribly off topic. He sighed and went to the side of the room. He blinked and saw a lump in the carpet. He pulled it up and let out a shriek of terror.

"WHAT?" Marik demanded, springing up from the floor.

"Yami broke Anzu's dad's ship model! Oh dear Ra, I'm doomed to hell for eternity!"

"You're worried about a _ship model?_ Look at what you did to the _house!_"

"But that was worth thousands of dollars and I was planning on stealing it!" Bakura wailed dramatically.

"Had enough?" Death asked Yami in an amused tone.

"Aw, I'm screwed. Bakura's gonna kill me. Say..._am_ I dead?"

"You're just now asking that?" Death demanded.

"Shut up!" Yami snapped.

"...Right. Anyway, let's go see what the Katsuyas are doing."

Zap!

"NO, JOUNOUCHI!" Shizuka screeched as soon as they zapped into the Katsuya home. "Why does it have to be this way? I wanted your tan stick! Yuugi shouldn't have it!" (Refer to Kaiba's Horrid Day, last chapter.)

"Sis, I love him and I love you, but now it's back to original loving. You gotta understand dat!"

"Nooo! Jounouchi, please! Give me another chance! I can love you more than Yuugi can!"

"You can't, though, Shizuka, you just _can't_. Yuugi...He's the life I never dreamed of! He's dis celestial bein' before even Kaiba came along!"

"_But Kaiba has Anzu now!_"

"Gee, _everyone_ knows dat she's cheatin' on Bakura, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty much," she answered with a shrug.

"Huh...Well maybe you can have Bakura then."

"I DON'T WANT BAKURA! I WANT _YOU!_"

"Listen, Shizuka, ya can't have me!"

"Besides, Bakura's mean to me and I hear he's rough on his women..." Shizuka sniffed.

"Well...Um...I dunno! Take Honda or Otogi!"

"I DON'T WANT THEM!"

"Shizuka," Jou began in a warning voice.

"I'll cry, I'll pout, I'll yell, and throw a fit if you go over to Yuugi's right now!" Shizuka said in an equally warning tone.

"...Okay." He turned towards the door and she did, indeed, start throwing a loud, raucous fit. Yami winced and shook Death, shouting at him to leave.

Zap!

"...Where are we?" Yami asked, looking around the empty room. There was a simple pillow in the middle of the room.

"Hey, you said to leave, so I left," Death told him with a shrug.

Shadii walked in the room and sat on the pillow, sighing, before meditating.

"This is boring," Death said after two minutes. "Let's go see what Honda's doing."

Zap!

"Oh, Otogi, I love you, I love you!"

(OoO')

"BY ALL THE EGYPTIAN GODS ABOVE AND BELOW, GET US OUT OF HERE!" Death did as asked and they were back at the afterlife. "So...Am I dead or not?"

"Yeah, more or less."

"(o.o) That sucks." Yami sighed and brought out a photo album from nowhere. "You wanna see my pictures from when I was alive?"

"Sure!"

"So, this is when I was Pharaoh and those are my priests..."

(Five hours later...)

"...and Manna, who had a nice chest if I can say so. She and I always stuffed ourselves in pots with each other and it was _so_ much fun."

"(--) This guy's life lasts like five hundred centuries," Death muttered to himself. _Ah ha! I know how to take care of this! _"Alright, Yami, I've made a decision."

"Huh?" Yami turned to him blankly. He had been having fun showing pictures of his life. And he was only on his fifteenth photo album, too!

"This was actually all a test. You're not _really_ dead! So, you've passed the test and so you can go back home now!"

"_Really?_ Gee, thanks, Death."

"Annyytimmee," Death assured. _God I'm going to seriously go insane when he dies again. _"See ya."

"Bye!"

X

Yami sat up and the kids that were around him gasped. The paramedics stared at him in shock. The coroner that was there looked startled, too. "Hi!" Yami greeted brightly. "Are we having a party of some kind?"

"GYAHH! I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!" One of the kids ran away screaming. The other children followed and the paramedics and coroner slowly backed away.

"Don't worry, zombie, we, er, come in peace?" One of the paramedics said uneasily.

"Idiot! That's with aliens, not zombies!" The other paramedic hissed.

"Oops. Um, please don't suck our blood?"

"That's _vampires!_"

"I DON'T WANT TO BE INFECTED!"

"There you go," the coroner and other paramedic said, their thoughts on _Resident Evil._

"(o.o) Huh? What are you talking about?" Yami asked, but received no answer as the three men ran from him, frightened he was the living dead. "Ah, oh well." He sauntered away, going across the street and ended up getting hit by a truck.

X

Yami groaned, sitting up and rubbing his head.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Death demanded with a snap to his voice. "I just sent you down there!"

"(o.o) I-I know, but this truck...it came out of no where and..." Yami trailed off, unsure of how to finished his sentence.

"(-.-) Oh, that's just great. You suck, man, you really suck!"

"...So I can't go back?"

"Dammit, no!"

"No matter what?"

"Last time you somehow died from getting hit by a _football_. This time, if you go back, your body will be so screwed up you don't even know."

"...So that's a no, huh?"

"Yes, Yami, that's a no," Death told him as patiently as he could. Yami sighed.

"Well, that's a big bummer."

"You wanna look at your photo albums some more?" Death asked, not really knowing what else they could do.

"Yeah!"

X

The next day, Kaiba was standing at the coffin of Yami's and was, not surprisingly, glaring at it. _Damn you, Yami! You had to hand down all your stupid titles to that gay short, dim-witted asshole, Yuugi, didn't you? AND NOW I CAN'T EVEN SAY THAT I'M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR IT! _Kaiba slumped on the coffin, his body trembling with anger. _I hate you, you stupid Pharaoh! I hated you when I was a priest, I hate you now, and you can DAMN WELL BET I'LL HATE YOU IN THE AFTERLIFE! _Kaiba began to sob in frustration and anger and others looked at him in surprise.

"I didn't know Kaiba felt so strongly about Yami," Isis remarked mildly, wiping her eyes. Bakura smirked and snuck up behind Kaiba, a dagger raised in his hand.

"Then be with him, mwahaha!"

"HUH?" Kaiba whipped around, only to be stabbed to death.

"Ahh! Kaiba!" Anzu shrieked in horror. "Bakura, you killed him!"

"DAMN RIGHT!"

"How could you?"

"Well, you see, I get a dagger," Bakura began, but Anzu interrupted him.

"My lover's gone! Nooo!" Pause. "...Should we get the arrangements for another funeral or not?"

"Meh, why not?" Bakura asked with a shrug.

X

Kaiba stood up, puzzled by the fluffy white place. He walked around and then came upon two figures. "Hey, you idiots, can you tell me – WHAT THE HELL? YAMI?"

"Kaiba?" Yami burst out, jumping to his feet. "How in the world did YOU get here?"

"Bakura stabbed me to death," Kaiba answered in a simplistic manner.

"Ah...Yeah...I always knew he'd probably do something like that once he found out you were putting your ding-dong in Anzu's wing-wang."

(oO'')

"...Riiighht...Anyway, where am I?" Kaiba demanded to know, looking around him.

"It is NOT a world of Ice Cream!" Death snapped at him. "By God, if one more corpse thinks it is, I'll shove my bones so far up their asses, they'll be begging to go to Hell!"

(O.O)...

"So, Yami, whose your friend?" Kaiba queried cautiously, glancing at Death suspiciously.

"Death," Yami replied.

"What of it?"

"No, I mean's he's Death."

"Don't you mean he's _dead_?"

"No, no, he's _Death_."

"...Right. Whatever." Kaiba turned to Death. "What's your name?"

"Death."

"Listen, I don't take jokes well – " Kaiba began in a dangerous tone.

"Does the Grim Reaper ring a bell?" Death demanded, irritated.

"Oh. Death."

"_Yeah_. Death."

"Hey, didn't you say that you've been waiting to send Kaiba to Hell since he was seven?" Yami spoke up curiously.

"Yeah, but _apparently_ God's going easy on the bastard and is deciding to take him here instead!"

"What _is_ here?" Kaiba questioned, crossing his arms across his chest in an arrogant manner.

"The afterlife. I'm not, uh, really clear what it is. I didn't read my job description that well. Er, actually, I didn't read the manual well, either, nor the packet they gave me when I was employed."

"Even this place is run by idiots!" Kaiba roared angrily.

"Don't worry, Kaiba," Yami chirped. "We've always got my photo albums to look over!"

"I'VE ALREADY LOOKED OVER THEM! I had to when I was forced to have you watch Mokuba for those two months! We'd _just_ finished them then! And of course, there had to be a long story to every goddamned picture!"

"WHAT?" Death howled. "NOOOO!"

Meanwhile, God chuckled, watching his least favorite employee be tortured. "Ah, I love my job," he said to himself in content.

End!

X

DIS: Yeah, this was a crappy fic. It's not even funny, but I had to end it with a long, drawn-out chapter with both Yami-kun and my handsome CEO dying! But you have to admit it wasn't that bad for a last chapter. I'm not sure if I'll be continuing with the 'Horrid Day' trilogy, so I won't say to look out for the next one when I'm not sure myself if there will ever be a next one. Oh! And for whoever is reading _You Stupid Mutt_, the last chapter of that should be up sooner or later. Thanks to all of you who read this short and crappy fic. With that said, please review on your way out! Ciao!


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